“There is no room in a shame-filled mind for the fact that we did our best at the time, no room to accept that as human beings we are bound to make mistakes.”

Courage to Change, p. 57

Before I got into recovery, I often could not admit my mistakes to others. For one thing, I often couldn’t even see them to begin with. For another thing, I couldn’t bear the thought of someone looking at me while I explained that I’d failed. Shame is powerful.

A Fourth and Fifth Step can untangle that complex knot of shame. When I share my deepest regrets with someone else, that person can bring my perspective back into balance and show me that I can still receive love even when revealing my worst moments.

As shame starts to dissipate, I’m much more able to admit my mistakes to others, because there’s less at stake. I know I won’t be abandoned just because I messed up.

Today, if I haven’t taken the Fifth Step, I’ll take the next right action toward doing so. I can also text or call a friend to build the connections that help me stay out of shame and isolation.